Parachute Epic Fail


Toady I want to blog about an early life experiment that ended in an epic fail.

When I was younger living in Montgomery Alabama, my parents were friends with a man that was in the military reserves.

We would often find ourselves out in the country staring up into a clear blue sky.  Why?  Because this friend would soon be flying overhead and descending to the ground with a parachute.

Now as a very young man (me), it didn’t get any better than this.  Out in the country, airplanes, men jumping out of them filling the sky with parachutes!  WooooHoooo!

Unfortunately the guided rectangle wing chutes of today were only a dream.  The round chutes were pretty much at the mercy of the wind.  This meant many who were jumping risked landing in a tree.  I secretly enjoyed the prospect of anyone landing in a tree.  I remember on one occasion it happening to our friend!

But that’s not the epic fail or my life experiment!

One day while at my grandmothers playing with the now vintage green plastic army man and cellophane parachute that many of us grew up with, I got a brilliant idea.  Now I look back on it as a life experiment.  I carefully studied the flight of our friend when he jumped from planes.  Then I superimposed that idea with my plastic army man and chute. Then the thought hit me…

My grandmother had a great new umbrella and I knew where it lived.  Her porch had a great rail with a sloping yard. ,If I could jump far enough off the porch with the umbrella I might get some lift off the slope and it would be the greatest day ever!

I ran and got the umbrella.  Popped it open.  It looked just like the shape of the two chutes that I was familiar with.  Both my friend and green army man floated effortlessly with the same shape.  Nothing left to do now but climb on the porch rail and enjoy the excitement.

Well there was about to be some excitement but not the way you’re thinking…  I climbed onto the rail, got my balance, and jumped….  The flight didn’t last as long as I had envisioned as the umbrella turned inside out.  I came crashing down seriously busting it!  Epic fail!  Embarrassment…

Then came the excitement as my grandmother came to see what all the commotion was about.  What did she see?  Me laying on the ground in pain?  Don’t think so.  What she did see was her brand new BROKEN umbrella, and that’s when the excitement all started.  And that’s were I blacked out and can’t remember anymore of how that ended! 🙂