This is part of my 100 question challenge. If you’re not familiar then I’d encourage you to stop and read why I’m trying to answer my 100 questions in 2019 here.
First, I thought about ways that my wife and I have already been a good resource:
- We taught them to be debt free except for their house.
- We made them pay for half of their first car. Whatever they saved we matched.
- We had a rule that nothing good happens after 10 pm. So there was no just hanging out after 10 pm. without a reason and permission. This was not as appreciated as I thought it should be! 🙂
- We taught them to give 10% of their income to the church.
- We taught them that church attendance and serving are uber important. You’ll never regret either.
- Being polite will go a long ways with others.
- Have a great work ethic.
- Paid for their college – undergraduate. One daughter went to grad school but on her dime!
But all that happened before they were adults – and it paid off! But, as part of my 100 question challenge I wondered how I might continue to be a resource for them and their husbands now that they are adults and married… So the search began…
Psychology Today noted in a post that you need to be careful about not becoming a codependent parent… How can you tell if you’re a codependent parent? Here are 3 red flags according to Psychologytoday.com:
“Psychology Today’s Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, who has written about the topic several times, says the question of whether you are a codependent parent is a topic that sparks heated debates. The three red flags he says you should look for are: (1) shouldering debt for an adult son or daughter caught up in a pattern on non-productivity, (2) their habit of borrowing money from you because they can’t sustain consistent employment, and (3) disrespect is the rule and not the exception to it, but you use the excuse that your grown kid has “problems” — giving you the leeway to let them off the hook. In the real world you would never permit another grown adult to treat you similarly.” You can read the rest of the article here, if you think you might be a codependent parent. Or in denial….
Sounds like a great answer but it was only the beginning… After doing a lot of “Googling” I realized there wasn’t a ton of info dealing with being a positive resource for your adult children. Most were related to dealing with problem adult children. Well, that ‘s what we’re trying to avoid – right?
So I decided to go with my gut. My wife and I seemed to have had a pretty good start at preparing them for life, so I began to think, and here are a few things that I came up with.
- Create an atmosphere where they can come for opinions but understand they are adults and capable of making their own final decisions. Even if it’s not the one I would’ve made.
- Help them in understanding the importance of financial investments early in their careers. Warren Buffet, one of the world’s richest men, was once credited with this conversation: When asked what his secrets of financial success, replied, I lived to be old and compounding interest! Teach them about compounding interest.
- Even Einstein is rumored to have weighed in with this statement : Albert Einstein – Compound interest. Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it … he who doesn’t … pays it.
- Encourage them to live within their means and resist the temptation of competing with the “Jones'”
- We have always encouraged “weekly date nights” and family vacations and continue to encourage them to do so.
- Always have insurance on the important stuff in your life.
- Always be in the process of learning something new. You’ll never regret it.
Well these are just the start of ways that I hope to be a better resource for my kids.
If you have one you’d like to share then please do so in the comments.